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Kim Hawks

Kimberly Hawks, Neurodiverse Couples Retreat Specialist
Associate Marriage and Family Therapist
 

Why a Neurodiverse Couples Retreat?


Most neurodiverse couples are not lacking in effort.
You’re exhausted from trying.
 

What you’re missing is:
 

  • Time without constant distractions or interruptions.

  • A calm, structured space to decode what keeps going wrong.

  • A guide who understands neurodiversity and relationships.
     

That’s what the retreat is for.
 

Instead of 50 minutes a week where you barely scratch the surface, we slow things down, stay with the hard moments, and practice new patterns in real time.
 

My job is to help you:
 

  • Understand how your different brains and nervous systems work.

  • Replace blame with shared language and shared tools.

  • Build repair skills you can use when you go back home—under real-life stress.
     

These are private retreats, not groups.

The agenda is custom-built for the two of you.

My Story: Neurodiversity in Parenting, Partnership, and Life

I’m a wife and mom in a neurodiverse family. My husband has ADHD, and I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP).
 

Our different wiring shapes everything:
 

  • How we communicate.
     

  • How we handle conflict and stress.
     

  • How we show and receive love.
     

We’ve been through:
 

  • Serious medical challenges with one of our children while trying to keep life steady for the other two.
     

  • Work and travel schedules that pulled us in different directions.
     

  • Seasons where our marriage felt like a project-management meeting instead of a partnership.
     

When we hit our most difficult moments, we realized this:
 

If we didn’t make intentional daily space to connect and repair, the default would be distance.
 

Small, consistent efforts—tiny check-ins, clear language, honest repairs—have changed our marriage and our family rhythm for the better. 
 

Strong partnerships flourish when both people feel seen, connected, and valued.

 That belief sits underneath everything I do in retreat work.

What We Do in Retreat: Repair That Holds Under Pressure

Neurodiverse couples often trip the same wires over and over:
 

  • Intent vs. impact mismatches.
     

  • Different processing speeds and communication styles.
     

  • Sensory overload and shutdowns.
     

  • Executive-function gaps that leave one partner overwhelmed and the other feeling like a failure.
     

Add in children, work stress, or burnout, and it’s easy for your bond to slide into logistics-only mode and resentment.
 

During a retreat, we:
 

  • Map your patterns so both of you can finally see what’s happening.
     

  • Build shared language for your neurotypes so needs become discussable, not points of contention.
     

  • Practice repair scripts that fit your actual brains and stress levels.
     

  • Design executive-function scaffolds (time anchors, routines, external reminders) that support the relationship—not just one partner.
     

  • Create sensory-aware intimacy and connection rituals that feel safe, not pressured.
     

Bottom line: we build routines and communication playbooks that can survive disagreements, work stress, parenting chaos, and tired brains—because that’s when you need them most.

Parenting, Stress, and Using Retreat Space to Breathe

I know what it’s like to parent multiple children with different needs while your nervous system is frayed and your partnership is feeling strained.
 

In retreat work with parents, I help you:
 

  • Stabilize your nervous systems first—so you’re not problem-solving from panic.
     

  • Create small, repeatable routines that calm the house instead of relying on one-off heroic efforts.
     

  • Make room for grief, anger, and fear without turning on each other.
     

  • Rebuild your identity as a team, not just co-managers of crisis.
     

The retreat gives you something daily life rarely does: enough time, enough quiet, and enough support to actually feel and think at the same time.

Adoption, Attachment, and Complex Family Systems

I was adopted as an infant and raised with split custody after my adoptive parents divorced.
 

My mom came out as a lesbian when I was in first grade and built a large, loving blended family with her wife and their children.

My dad remarried, and in that home I was an only child.

As an adult, I reunited with my birth mother.
 

Living between homes—and then doing the attachment work of reunification—taught me that belonging is built through safety, consistency, and trust, not titles.
 

In retreat, this shows up as:
 

  • Predictable care and structure, so both partners feel safe enough to be honest.
     

  • Straight talk with warmth—honest, clear, and free of judgment.
     

  • Small promises kept during and after the retreat, rather than ambitious plans that lose momentum.

Blended Families and Adult Adoptees in Retreat

Blended families bring extra layers: loyalty pulls, different house rules, competing needs, kids caught in the middle.

Neurodiversity can intensify all of this.
 

In the retreat space, we:
 

  • Clarify roles and expectations so everyone knows where they stand.
     

  • Protect the couple bond while still honoring children’s histories and attachments.
     

  • Create rituals and agreements that are workable back home.
     

For adult adoptees, retreat is often the first time there’s enough space to connect the dots between early attachment wounds and current relationship patterns.

We explore identity, loss, and belonging in a way that is grounded and usable.

Parenting Neurodiverse Children

Parenting neurodiverse kids is beautiful and challenging at the same time.
 

In retreat, I help you:

​

  • Stabilize the nervous system at home (yours and your child’s) before layering in new skills.
     

  • Build routines that survive chaos using smallest viable steps and visual anchors.
     

  • Translate reports and assessments into accommodations that schools can actually implement.
     

  • Support 2e (twice-exceptional) kids so giftedness doesn’t hide disability—or the other way around.
     

  • Cope with chronic illness: pacing, medical advocacy, and sibling care that doesn’t vanish.
     

  • Manage dynamics and needs of siblings with different neurotypes.
     

We also work hard on one thing retreats are uniquely good at:
Getting both parents on the same page.

Why a Virtual Retreat Can Be Ideal

Retreat doesn’t have to mean flights, hotels, and overstimulating travel.
 

For many neurodiverse couples, virtual retreats are actually better:
 

  • You’re in your own sensory-friendly environment—your couch, your lighting, your comfort items.
     

  • You can use your own regulation tools: weighted blankets, fidgets, movement breaks, favorite foods.
     

  • No travel fatigue layered on top of emotional work.
     

We structure virtual retreats with planned breaks, pacing that fits your processing style, and clear expectations so you don’t burn out.

You get deep, focused support without leaving home.

How I Work: An Integrative, Practical Approach

There’s no single model that fits every couple.
 

Before your retreat, we’ll do a thorough consultation to understand:
 

  • Your history as individuals and as a couple.
     

  • Your neurotypes, sensory needs, and regulation patterns.
     

  • The main cycles that keep wounding your relationship.
     

Then I design a retreat plan that fits your capacities, not someone else’s ideal.
 

I draw from:
 

Foundational Approaches
CBT, ACT, Humanistic/Person-Centered, Solution-Focused/Brief, Psychodynamic, Behavioral and Social Thinking interventions.
 

Mind–Body & Experiential
Mindfulness, somatic-informed work, expressive arts—tools to help you notice and regulate what’s happening inside, not just talk about it.
 

Relationship & Systems
Family Systems Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Relational Life Therapy (RLT) to support connection, accountability, and sustainable change.
 

Trauma-Informed
I pay close attention to safety, pacing, and triggers so the retreat is healing—not just reactivating.
 

Collaboration
When helpful, I coordinate with outside specialists to give you the support that you need.

Education

  • Bachelor of Arts, Psychology — Boston College

  • Master of Science, Counseling Psychology — Dominican University of California

License & Employment Information

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